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How To Remove Toxic People From Your Life: What I’ve Learned

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Hey guys hope, you’re doing okay, it goes without saying that this is a tricky, delicate subject. I’M making this to just share what i’ve learned. As i know, it can be very difficult, navigating unhealthy relationships now. My experiences do not and could not perfectly correspond with your. Experiences – and i just think it’s important to keep that in mind. However, having said that, hopefully, this can provide some level of clarity to make this as actionable as possible. I’M going to be providing definitions to the words that i’m using as well as general guidelines to operate by. I find it helpful to always have a framework, a system to rely on when approaching pretty much every aspect of life. You may be watching this because you may feel that you are entangled with a genuinely toxic person, which i define as somebody who is not only deeply unhappy, but also refuses to do internal work on themselves and are therefore actively destructive with others in their life. Or maybe it’s just a toxic situation where a combination of factors are the reason why things aren’t working out where you and the other person are in life, as well as the dynamics, the the environment that you find yourselves in. This can look really similar, but it’s not the same thing. If, for example, you find yourself in a relationship – let’s say a friendship that is reliant on you remaining the person that you were and doesn’t have the space to allow you to grow and become the person that you need to be that can have toxic, suffocating consequences. First of all, i would not call that a friendship, but furthermore, it’s not that either of you are toxic people, necessarily it’s just that it isn’t working out and forcing something that isn’t working is what can lead to a toxic kind of situation. My point here is simple: it is that this is nuanced and just going around telling people that they’re toxic isn’t going to solve any problems. Instead, there are a few guidelines that i’ve established for myself that have really helped me figure all this out and that i’d like to establish first before diving, deeper into things one. It is not your job to change or fix other people two. It is not your job to prove yourself or gain approval from other people and three you don’t owe anybody anything beyond a basic level of civility. I would say: i’m not condoning disrespecting or mistreating other people, but beyond that you don’t owe anybody anything now. If all of us just followed these guidelines, i think the problem of getting locked into manipulative or unhealthy relationships would largely disappear. However, that isn’t the case that isn’t the world that we live in human beings are complicated. Relationships are messy and, i think, we’re all susceptible at some level to people-pleasing to social pressures, to approval from others all of it. Furthermore, things can get even trickier under certain circumstances. What do you do, for example, about a work situation that includes toxic people? I don’t have all the answers here, but needless to say, this was a large reason for why i began freelancing and even then there were certain people that i refused to work with, based off of poor interactions that i had now it’s not right nor fair. But it’s important it’s necessary to keep these sorts of things in mind when making decisions regarding where you want to work or who you want to work for now. What about family? This is definitely a sticky point and it’s scary, it’s scary, dealing with family because it feels like an order of magnitude, more intimate than dealing with outside relationships right outside relationships like friendships and other people in the outside world. I’M using this word a lot, but toxicity breeds and creates more toxicity. I witnessed my parents deal with the generational gap and you know generations before where ideas like working on yourself internally were completely foreign. So what do you do if you find yourself stuck in a family where there are toxic people right, which i’m defining once again as people that refuse to work on themselves, refuse to do what is necessary to have healthy relationships and are therefore destructive in the relationships? I’M going to stick to speaking about things that i’m familiar with. I will just say this. I did record a conversation with my mother who has personal experience with this. She comes from a very complicated situation and we spoke about this. I’M going to link to that video below, but she talks a lot about the bravery that was necessary and boundaries, the the boundaries that she had to create to be able to lead a healthy life. I grew up in a family where emotional intelligence was not really present. Um i run away from home, as you know, um. How old were you again? You were 18 18

Oh, my god and i couldn’t handle it anymore, um and the decision i mean was scary, but i really was, at my wit’s end, i’m leaning on her words and her advice on this one as they come from direct experience when dealing with toxic relationships. Your only way out is by focusing and working on yourself going back to the guidelines that i outlined in the beginning. It is not your job to change or fix other people, and it’s not your job to prove anything to them either in a healthy relationship. You should not be constantly feeling like you’re in the dark with regards to communication. You should not be constantly feeling stupid or inferior, or that the way that you naturally are is unacceptable. If that is normal to you, i’m here to tell you that it shouldn’t be, but this is what toxic manipulative people will do, and this can be done in so many different ways, ranging from overt methods of aggression like violence or verbal abuse. All the way to more covert methods like silences and destabilizing remarks. One thing that i think is extremely important to mention here is that the more you engage with these people, the more you enter their game, and this is why i say the only way out is not by winning the game that isn’t possible. They make up the rules and you can never win with their rules. The only way out is by cutting ties by not engaging by having the dignity and the self-respect to know what a healthy relationship in your life should look like, and only accepting that again. When you enter into their game, they set the rules and they’re impossible to follow. You will be made to feel stupid, inferior at fault and look. This kind of thing can happen in all relationships, but if this becomes a consistent pattern, if it’s constantly happening something else is going on. When it comes to removing toxic relationships, it can be extremely difficult. I know from personal experience, so here are a few things that have helped me. We have a limited amount of relationships that we can have in our lives and an even more limited amount of close relationships that we can actively maintain. There’S limits based on our biology based on time constraints, removing somebody that you once felt close to can feel terrifying, but it’s necessary to free up space space that can then be filled with a new, healthier, more positive relationship or more space. For yourself, i have feared the void created when cutting ties with somebody, because it’s a toxic situation or because i believe they are a toxic person, and i i understand that fear it’s very real, but every single time, through the pain and discomfort of navigating the process. I have found that there’s on the other side of things, a massive sense of relief and that new space is amazing. The only way to rid yourself of toxicity is by doing cleanup and internal work. Everything begins with awareness and, like i said, toxicity generates more toxicity and therefore, if you spend enough time in those kinds of relationships and those kinds of situations, it is, it has kind of a contaminating effect. You will need to go through a sort of purging, a kind of like cleaning. If you will, awareness is important because it’s the only way you’re going to wrap your brain around. What’S going on, it’s the only reason why these sorts of things go on for as long as they do a lack of awareness. I think special attention needs to be paid to habits which are the building blocks of our lives and are what create patterns in cycles. In my experience, bad habits are picked up through unhealthy situations and therefore it’s incumbent upon you to take the extra effort to break these habits, so you can therefore break the cycles and the patterns that you find yourself within. One really clear example of this is an expression that my mom has shared with me. What you say about others says a lot more about yourself. These are things to think about as you’re going through this sort of reconstruction phase and finally, environment is a large piece in this puzzle. Certain environments quite simply attract certain kinds of people, and if you find that this is a recurring theme in your life, i would strongly consider looking into changing the environments that you spend time in. Changing your environments will change the people that you in turn spend time with, and i’ve talked about how extracting yourself from certain situations, certain environments, even for a brief period of time, can provide that perspective. That space to see things differently, to see things more clearly, and this can be a way to navigate negative patterns and to identify how you feel about a certain situation, a certain relationship etc. And i’ve always found getting clear on how you feel about something is a massive step in finding the courage to then do what is necessary. Another major thing to remember this is your life to live, and that is a very powerful statement to always recall and come back to through all the manipulation. I have often found that manipulative people will constantly remind you how much they need you, how much they’re dependent on you or better, yet how much you need them, how much you’re dependent on them they’ll use information that you vulnerably shared with them against you, i mean. There’S so so many tactics that can be used and i can’t possibly cover them all in a short little youtube video. This is a really powerful idea for me at least to always come back to as i navigate confusing times. I do want to say that, even if things feel hopeless or impossibly entangled, there’s a solution, there is a way out, and your way out once again is by doing the cleanup doing the internal work, taking responsibility and finding a sense of self-worth. This is not about retaliating or getting revenge right. This is about taking the higher road and moving on with your life. I believe that we all at some level, have to go through this experience and it’s painful and confusing, but it’s also a necessary part of the process in developing standards and figuring out who the right people are that belong in your life. I hope you found this helpful and i wish you the best of luck. You

As found on YouTube