Did you know when Abraham Lincoln was dying in bed after he’s been shot by John Wilkes Booth, the Secretary of War Stanton that was next to him said, “There lies the most perfect ruler of men that the world has ever seen.” That statement really made me wonder… What was the secret of Lincoln’s success in dealing with people, so much so that he was being complimented of being the most perfect ruler of men? Dale Carnegie asked the same question too and then studied the life of Abraham Lincoln for ten years! He focused into the detailed and exhaustive study of Lincoln’s personality and home life as well as his methods of dealing with people.
Afterwards, Dale Carnegie began creating this famous book called How to Win Friends and Influence People back in the early 1930s from a collection of historical events, people’s testimonies and lectures that he had as a teacher of public speaking. So then How to Win Friends and Influence People first got published in 1936 where now today it has sold over 30 million copies worldwide and went on to be named 19 place on Time magazine’s list of a hundred most influential books in the year 2011. So despite this book is now 81 years old the things you learn in this book is still very relevant with today’s world. We live in a world with a population that’s currently about 7.6 billion people! So the importance of knowing how to interact and deal with people in your life will always be important.
Dale Carnegie goes into great details in this book about several things such as fundamental techniques in handling people, ways to make people like you, and ways to win people to your way of thinking. Abraham Lincoln knew how important it was to handle people and like him during his time. He knew it was difficult but through tons of strains and struggles, he developed confidence with his developed communication skills and principles that he learned down the road which led him to be a legacy in American history.
Here’s a really cool story! During the time of the Civil War, in the first three days of July 1863, there was the Battle of Gettysburg. During the night of July 4th, the Confederate General Robert E Lee began to retreat southward in the midst of a large storm. When Lee reached the Potomac river with his defeated army he found a swollen impassable river in front of him and a victorious Union Army behind him! Basically Lee was in a trap and he couldn’t escape. President Lincoln knew this was a golden opportunity to capture Lee’s army and end the war immediately. And so he telegraphed his orders to General Meade demanding immediate action to attack Lee’s army and what did general Meade do? He did the very opposite of what he was told to do! He hesitated and telegraphed all kinds of excuses, he refused point-blank to attack Lee.
Finally the high raging river resided after a while and Lee was able to escape over to Potomac with his forces. I can only imagine Lincoln was probably very furious in bitter disappointment, Lincoln sat down and wrote Meade a letter rebuking his decision. So what the General Meade do after reading it? Well…. Meade never saw that letter. In fact, Lincoln never mailed it! it was found among his papers after Lincoln’s death.
So then, why didn’t the president send the letter? Dale Carnegie said his guess is this. Maybe after writing that letter, Lincoln looked out the window and said to himself, “Just a minute. Maybe I ought not to be so hasty. It’s so easy for me just to sit here in a quiet room of the White House and order Meade to attack.
But if I’ve been at Gettysburg and if I seen as much blood as Meade has seen during the last week and if my ears have been pierced with the screams and the shrieks of the wounded and the dying, maybe I wouldn’t be so anxious to attack either. If I send this letter right now, it will relieve my feelings, but it would probably make me try to justify himself. It will arouse hard feelings impair all further usefulness as a commander and perhaps force him to resign from the army.” Lincoln put the letter aside for he has learned by bitter experience that sharp criticism and rebukes almost invariably end in futility.
What this historical event paints here is one of the most important principles that serves as the foundation of this book of How to Win Friends and Influence People and that foundation is… learning to change your perspective, your camera view, your focus that’s on yourself, to be switched to be behind everyone else’s perspective. If you can do this, you’ll able to tremendously better manage your interaction and dealing with other people because you understand their reasons behind their emotions and their decisions that they’re making with you.
The power of getting the other person to be an agreement with you is much like being the master of knowing how to unlock that puzzle in a person’s heart that can create a positive effect in your favor. That story of President Abraham Lincoln and General Meade shows you one of the lessons that you learn from this book. And that is.. Don’t criticize, don’t condemn or complain because instead, always look and understand from their point of view first. And direct your thoughts and action accordingly from that with simple yet excellent methods to make others like you more, in which will in many, many ways help you in the long run, whether at a job, in a business, or with friends, meeting new people, and the list goes on. Now you’ve learned the most important foundation of this book of how to win friends and influence people, Dale Carnegie builds upon this foundation with important lessons that’ll be needed for any future interactions you’ll be having with people. As mentioned before, changing your camera angle from your mind to the other person’s mind will also change you from being selfish to selfless.
This is required if you want to become popular with other people in order for people to like you. You’ll need to know how to make them feel good when they’re around you. Here are some ways to make people like you. Number one. Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a living? I mean a hen has to lay eggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing, but a dog makes his living just by giving you nothing but love.
That’s because a dog operates within this method which is… (space shuttle launch) Become genuinely interested in other people. You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people, than you can make in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. And you know what else a dog does every time you come home? Somehow on their faces, their expression of almost smiling is shown towards the owner with extreme joy! This really shows that action speaks louder than words and a smile says, “I like you! You make me happy! I’m glad to see you!” That is why dogs make such a big hit! They are so glad to see us every time when we come home, it’s like they’re jumping out of their skins! So naturally we’re so glad to see them.
Now what’s the sweetest thing you can say to anyone during any conversation? Do you know? Yep! It’s their name. The importance of remembering and using names is not what just kings and corporate executives only can do. It works for all of us. I really like how Dale Carnegie says we should be aware of the magic contained in the name. The name sets the individual apart. It makes him or her unique among others. There’s a special importance when we approach a situation with the name of the individual.
From the waiter, to the senior executive, the name will work in magic as we deal with others. Now this next lesson is really quite special in making others want to associate with you! I say it’s perhaps one of the easiest techniques from this book! You can get a really quick in-depth review of it from a video I did previously right here! Feel free to check it out when you get the chance. Going back to the list of techniques, this next one is about Theodore Roosevelt’s technique. Everyone who’s ever been a guest of the Theodore Roosevelt’ was astonished at the range and diversity of his knowledge. Whether his visitors was a cowboy, a politician, or diplomat, it always seemed like Roosevelt knew what to say! But really how did he do it? Well the answer was simple! Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before reading up on the subject in which he knew his guests was particularly interested and that is the Theodore Roosevelt technique! Talked in the terms of the other person’s interest.
Finally, there are times when you need to know how to win people in your way of thinking. What typically happens when there’s a heated argument between two people? Well, after the argument, nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestant more firmly convinced than ever that he’s absolutely right. But at the end there would be times when you can’t win an argument you can’t because if you lose it, you lose it and if you win it…
You lose it. Wait! Why? Well suppose you triumph over the other man and shot his argument full of holes. As wise old Ben Franklin used to say, “If you argue and wrinkle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes but it will be an empty victory because you’ll never get your opponent’s good will.” The best thing you could do is simply avoid an argument altogether! Here are some brilliant step-by-step suggestions on how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument. Step 1. Welcome the disagreement. Think about it! This disagreement could be your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake. Step 2. Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful! Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction! It may be you at your worst, not your best. Step 3. Control your temper. Remember, you can always measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. Step 4. Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let him finish and do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers.
Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding! Step 5. Look for areas of agreement. When you heard your opponent’s out, dwell first on the points in areas which you agree first. Step 6. Be honest. Look for areas where you can emit error and say so! Apologize for your mistakes! It could help disarm your opponent and reduce defensiveness. Step 7. Promise to think of your opponent’s ideas and study them carefully and mean it. Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree and think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say, “We try to tell you but you wouldn’t listen.” Step 8. Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you and you may turn your opponent’s into friends. One last thing! There’s a really cool trick that you could do when you want to make someone to agree with you or do something for you that they would be less willing to do in the first place.
And it is by using something called the YES YES technique. There’s a video I made just about that so feel free to check that out too! Alright thank you so much for watching! Personally, this book review was helped a lot with the use of audible. Since at times when I can’t always read I have the help of audible, which I’m able to continue my progress with any book. I can listen anywhere which is awesome because in many situations when I can’t read like for example when I’m driving or when I’m exercising. I say definitely check it out! I’ll leave a link in the description down below where you can try a completely free 30-day free trial and keep any two audiobooks, even if you decide to cancel the subscription, you will not have a penny spent.
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