Welcome to United Audiobooks. we provide audio Key Insights, Summaries and brief study notes on the concepts of the books. So make sure to subscribe and become a part of our family. Without wasting any second lets dive into the ocean of words. How to Win Friends and Influence People. by Dale Carnegie. Dale Carnegies How to Win Friends and Influence People is a self-help book that offers advice on how to get along smoothly with others while gaining what you want. Proclaimed on its cover as “the only book you need to lead you to success,” the book targets primarily business executives, salespeople, and those looking to further their careers. However, its core principles can be applied successfully in almost any situation: with friends, family, or strangers. Developed from Carnegies popular lectures and workshops, the book employs a humorous, anecdotal approach that is entertaining and easy to read. How to Win Friends and Influence People presents 30 chapters on broad topics such as how to make people like you and how to be a leader without causing offense or resentment.
Individual topics are illuminated by positive, real-life anecdotes about well-known business leaders and politicians, as well as everyday individuals. Each chapter ends with a single statement that summarizes the main point, making it easy for readers to review the most important take-home messages at a glance. Carnegie recommends reviewing the principles on a regular basis as a continual reminder to build them into everyday life. Carnegie offers a variety of strategies in How to Win Friends and Influence People to help the average person get along better with others and get the results they want from others. A classic book that gave birth to the self-help industry, How to Win Friends and Influence People is a phenomenal bestseller, having sold over 15 million copies worldwide and still going strong. It has been translated into 31 languages and is on Time magazines list of 100 most influential books of all time. Dale Carnegie offers practical and proven advice on how to deal with people and understand them in order to get along well with them to make your life more rewarding.
Carnegie believed that financial success, to a very large extent, depends on ëthe ability to express ideas, to assume leadership and to arouse enthusiasm among people.í He teaches these skills through fundamental principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also details techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. This book will teach you how to: Think new thoughts, get out of a mental rut, acquire new visions and discover new ambitions.
Increase your popularity and make friends quickly and easily. Increase your influence, prestige and the ability to get things done. Become a better speaker and a more effective conversationalist. Avoid arguments and keep your communication smooth and pleasant. Carnegie illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world and everyday folks. One of the worlds best-known self-made billionaire, Warren Buffett, has said that this is the book that changed his life.
Here comes the Chapter wise study notes. Chapter 1 : Fundamental Techniques in Handling People. (“If You Want to Gather Honey, Do not Kick Over the Beehive”) . Even murderers like Al Capone may not blame themselves for their actions, thinking they are justified or even doing the world a favor. “People do not criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be,” the author writes. There is no point in criticizing because it makes people defensive, hurts their pride, and creates resentment. Rewarding people for good behavior is more effective than punishing for bad behavior.
Persons criticized often react by justifying themselves and returning criticism to the person criticizing them. Influenced by their circumstances, people “are just what we would be under similar circumstances.” One technique to relieve the desire to criticize others is to write a letter and not send it. To “change and regulate and improve” someone, “why not begin on yourself?” Even if a criticism is clearly true or justified, people are not “creatures of logic.” They often react emotionally, from feelings of “pride and vanity.” People should strive to be “understanding and forgiving” of others by controlling the need to criticize.
Parents should not overcriticize children. Children do not have the same judgment or experience as adults and ca not be expected to act like adults. Principle: “Do not criticize, condemn or complain.” Chapter 2 : Fundamental Techniques in Handling People. (The Big Secret of Dealing with People). The only way to get someone to do something is by making them want to do it. Many people are driven by “the desire to be important,” but this need often goes unfulfilled. This desire motivates people to wear fashionable clothes, commit crimes, and achieve greatness. People will even become “invalids in order to win sympathy and attention, and get a feeling of importance.” People have a “craving to be appreciated” and thrive on encouragement. Business leader Charles Schwab, well known for his adept people skills, encouraged workers by being “hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.” Most people do the opposite, however; they condemn but never praise. This attitude serves only to discourage. Many people leave their spouses because of “lack of appreciation.” Appreciation is genuine whereas flattery is insincere, and people can tell the difference.
“Think of the other persons good points” to offer sincere praise or appreciation. “Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for” in giving criticism. Making people feel important and appreciated is a key “secret” in handling people. Principle: “Give honest and sincere appreciation.” Chapter 3 : Fundamental Techniques in Handling People. (“He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him”). The full title of this chapter is “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way.” Carnegies point is that people are interested mostly in what they want, not want you want, so you may need to entice them to do what you want and thus “bait the hook to suit the fish.” In other words, show people how doing what you want also matches with what they want. Ask, “How can I make this person want to do it?” Listing the “Advantages” and “Disadvantages” of a situation can help others see how the action you desire may be advantageous to them (and how not taking the action might have a negative effect).
The “secret of success,” according to Henry Ford, is to understand “the other persons point of view and see things from that persons angle.” Carnegie offers examples of poorly worded business letters that focus on only what the company wants, not the benefits customers will receive. He rewrites one letter, shifting from the companys perspective to the customers perspective to make the correspondence more agreeable and effective. Instead of trying to “sell” their products, salespeople should demonstrate “how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems.” The, people will want to buy.
These methods are successful with children as well as in the workplace. Principle: “Arouse in the other person an eager want.” Chapter 4 : Six Ways to Make People Like You. (Do This and You will Be Welcome Anywhere). To make friends, show interest in other people rather than try to impress them or make them interested in you. People are “interested in themselvesómorning, noon and after dinner.” Showing interest in and “concern for the seemingly unimportant people” can lead to greater popularity, unexpected benefits, and new opportunities. In addition, showing interest in customers can strengthen their “loyalty to your company.” Making friends takes effort, including doing “things for other peopleóthings that require time, energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness.” “Greet people with animation and enthusiasm” to set a positive tone for conversation.
Kindness can have a profound, lifelong effect on people. Principle: “Become genuinely interested in other people.” Chapter 5 : Six Ways to Make People Like You. (A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression). You may spend a lot of money on clothes and jewels, but a sour face ruins the effect: “The expression one wears on ones face is far more important than the clothes … on ones back.” People are glad to see you when you show you are glad to see them. A sincere smile “comes from within” and warms the heart. A smile also “comes through in your voice,” so smile when speaking on the telephone, even if the other person ca not see. “People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it,” and initially engaging jobs or projects can fail if they become boring and joyless. Trying to transform a grumpy attitude by practicing smiling at people can increase your happiness and improve friendships quickly and surprisingly.
“Force yourself to smile,” and if needed “act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there.” Happiness is achieved “by controlling your thoughts,” since happiness can come only from within. Attitude determines the level of happiness. To improve your attitude, “picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be” so you can become that person. Smile even at the grumpiest people, “for nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!” Principle: Smile. Chapter 6 : Six Ways to Make People Like You. (If You Do not Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble). Remembering a persons name and a few details about their personal life is “a subtle and very effective compliment” to them. People place an “astounding importance … on their own name.” Companies are named after their founders and museum collections are named after rich benefactors as a way to perpetuate their names.
Even in large, relatively impersonal corporations, knowing employees’ names can warm the work atmosphere. The main reason people do not remember names is because they do not make the effort to do so. Carnegie notes that Franklin D. Roosevelt even learned the names of mechanics who visited the White Houseóand if a President could find time to learn a persons name, anyone can. Some techniques for remembering names are repeating the name, asking for the spelling, writing it down, and concentrating on the information or studying it. Principle: “Remember that a persons name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Chapter 7 : Six Ways to Make People Like You. (An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist). In conversation, what many people really want is “an interested listener” with whom to share their own stories, experiences, and opinions. Give your conversation partner “the implied flattery of rapt attention” along with praise, but be truthful in your statements.
Use body language to show you are listening actively: for example, face the speaker and maintain eye contact. Let customers have their full say. Do not “interrupt … contradict them, irritate them.” Even the most aggressive, unpleasant complainer “will frequently soften and be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener.” Sometimes what these people want is simply a “feeling of importance.” Thank customers for their input and try to see things from their point of view. Listen intently at home, too.
When “you stop whatever you are doing and listen” to your children or spouse, you are demonstrating your love for them and their importance to you. People may not be looking for advice when they have a problem. Sometimes they just need to vent or work through thoughts on their own by verbalizing them to a willing listener. Principle: “Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.” Chapter 8 : Six Ways to Make People Like You. (How to Interest People). Carnegie relates how, before meeting someone new, Theodore Roosevelt would study that persons interests to connect with them in conversation. Why? Because the way to “a persons heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.” Begin by talking about what interests the other person to break the ice and establish rapport. Getting someone “warmed up first” before presenting a question, problem, or proposition can often lead to better results.
Principle: “Talk in terms of the other persons interests.” Chapter 9 : Six Ways to Make People Like You. (How to Make People Like You Instantly). To connect with people, find something you can “honestly admire” about them. “Radiate a little happiness” not because you want something from the other person but simply as an unselfish act of appreciation. Making people feel important is a key interaction that “will bring … countless friends and constant happiness.” The urge to feel important “has been responsible for civilization itself.” The Golden Rule (“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you”) applies to conversation: “Give unto others what we would have others give unto us,” including devoted attention, sincere interest and praise, and a feeling of importance. Polite phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you,” and “Would you mind?” go a long way in conversation.
Do not neglect the niceties, for they “oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life.” Consider and appreciate what you can learn from others. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way.” Honest admiration of another person (or their prize possessions, hobbies, pets, or whatever) gives them the recognition they craveóand rarely receive. It can also help smooth business deals by breaking the ice or finding common interests. Principle: “Make the other person feel importantóand do it sincerely.” Chapter 10 : How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking.
(You Ca not Win an Argument). People sometimes correct others or engage in arguments to “get a feeling of importance and display … superiority.” Often this input is “unsolicited and unwelcome.” Carnegie states, “you ca not win an argument” because even if you “win,” you lose the other persons goodwill by having “made him feel inferior.” Furthermore this person will likely not change their opinion no matter what arguments you present against their reasoning. It is bad business to argue with customers.
Instead agree with them whenever possible to avoid “room for an argument.” Reason and facts may fail to persuade, whereas agreement and genuine appreciation of the other person can pave the way for cooperation and resolution of problems. Allowing others to express themselves at length offers a feeling of importance that soothes their ego and makes them more inclined to be “sympathetic and kindly.” Arguing takes time from more important personal pursuits and can make you feel bad about losing your temper or self-control.
Its better to yield arguments to others if the issue is not really that importantóchoose your battles wisely. “Welcome the disagreement” as a way to see a new perspective or correct a potential mistake. “Distrust your first instinctive impression,” which may make you want to argue or “be defensive.” Stay calm and think through your initial reaction. “Control your temper” and “listen first” during potential arguments. Let the other person have a say, and give it fair consideration. “Look for areas of agreement” that allow both parties to get on the same page. “Be honest,” especially if you’ve made a mistake. Admit it and apologize. People wantóto be heard: “Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully.” Thinking over their arguments also helps you avoid rash action, which can lead to mistakes. “Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest” because their comments may be helpful to you. Delay allows time for all facts to be laid out: “Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.” While taking this time to think, ask yourself if your opponents could be right, whether your reactions will improve or harm the situation, and what the consequences might be if you decide to argue or not.
Principle: “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.” Chapter 11 : How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking. (A Sure Way of Making Enemiesóand How to Avoid It). Telling someone they’re wrong creates resentment and resistance. The person you’re criticizing may take the criticism as a challenge or personal attackóand they are unlikely to change their mind. To make the conversation go smoother when disagreements occur, use diplomatic, polite phrases such as “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Lets examine the facts.” People are often illogical and subject to prejudice and bias. Some may cling to or defend beliefs simply because they do not want to change their minds. Being challenged can threaten a persons self-esteem. Try to understand the other persons statements rather than automatically evaluate or judge what they say. Do not be harsh or dogmatic in expressing your opinions, and avoid being a know-it-all. Use expressions such as “I imagine” or “it .
Appears to me” to soften assertions. Rather than taking pleasure in arguing, point out how the other person might be right. Disagree respectfully. When presenting ideas that may not be well received, offer “low-keyed suggestions” to lead listeners to discover the ideas for themselves as they work through the information. During disagreements with customers, “winning” an argument may cause you to lose the customers goodwill or business. Avoid this risk by asking friendly questions to elicit the truth of the matter, without laying blame or baiting the other person into an argument.
Principle: “Show respect for the other persons opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong.'” Chapter 12 : How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking. (If You’re Wrong, Admit It). When you readily admit you are in the wrong, others will be less likely to criticize or condemn you. Instead they may show understanding and sympathy. It is easier to accept self-criticism than to hear your faults from another person.
Swallowing your pride and admitting error is sometimes the only way to resolve differences or arguments. Fighting may not always get you what you want, “but by yielding you get more than you expected.” Principle: “If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.” Chapter 13 : How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking. (A Drop of Honey). Letting your temper loose on someone may be gratifying for you, but it will not be pleasant for the other person nor “make it easy for him to agree with you.” When you approach someone aggressively, the person is likely to respond the same way.
Opening with a friendly tone can win over enemies and convert them to friends. Opponents are more likely to compromise when you present an agreeable manner and look for common ground. Offering honest compliments or helpful information, without attacking or blaming your opponent, can make the person more inclined to consider your point of view and needs. Abraham Lincoln said, “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” Principle: “Begin in a friendly way.” Chapter 14 : How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking. (The Secret of Socrates). Begin a conversation by talking about points of agreement rather than differences. Emphasizeóand “keep on emphasizing”óthe things you and your opponent agree on. Remember you have the same goal: to resolve the issue and reach an agreement. To get your opponent into an agreeable frame of mind, ask questions they have to agree with. Saying yes psychologically draws your opponent into a more positive mindset, while saying no might make them withdraw from the conversation or offer more resistance.
The body also responds physically, either relaxing with a yes or tensing with a no. Issuing ultimatums and enforcing rules may feel good, but it will not give the other person “a feeling of welcome or importance” and may damage your relations. Instead talk about what the other person wants, rather than what you want, and get them saying yes right away. Show how your interests intersect and how the other person will benefit from your suggestions or recommendations. Arguing with customers can lose their business, whereas looking at the matter from their point of view can strengthen the relationship. Socrates used this method to win debates. He asked questions to which opponents had to answer yes, and eventually they conceded to his logic, “embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.” Principle: “Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately.” Chapter 15 : How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking.
(The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints). Listen patiently, and let other people express themselves completely. If you interrupt to argue or disagree, they will keep thinking of the ideas they want to express rather than pay attention to what you are saying. Listen with an open mind and sincere interest to the other persons complaint so they feel heard. Often people talk and talk but never listen. Allow people to talk about their own achievements, interests, and problems to make “a favorable impression.” To have good relations with others, talk less about yourself, and listen more to those around you. Principle: “Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.” Chapter 16: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking.
(How to Get Cooperation). People have more faith in their own ideas than in the ideas of others. People want to be consulted about their ideas and needs; they do not like to be told what to do. It is important to get a buy-in, or personal commitment, from people when you want their cooperation. Ask for their input or approval to create a sense of joint ownership of an idea or a project. Ask clients and customers what they want or need, and fulfill that specific need rather than try to sell them what you think they need. Asking for opinions or feedback on a product or service can make clients or customers feel importantóand can motivate them to buy from you rather than from a competitor. It is often effective to “plant” an idea in someones head. Mention the idea briefly to others to get them interested, and then let them think about it on their own for a while. They may bring it up later as if they thought of the idea themselves. Remember you are looking for resultsódoes it matter who gets credit for the idea? Principle: “Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.” Chapter 17 : How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking.
(A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You). When you disagree with someone, try to understand rather than condemnónobody thinks they are wrong. Find out the reason behind this persons beliefs or actions to understand them better. Most people are interested in their own concerns and far less interested in other peoples affairs. Try to put yourself in the other persons shoes, and view the situation from that persons perspective. In conversation “consider the other persons ideas and feelings as important as your own.” Speak respectfully and tactfully to get results from people rather than threaten them from a position of power. Win them over to your way of thinking instead of forcing them to “obey orders” or do what you want. Before an important conversation, think through what the other person might say, and anticipate their point of view.
Principle: “Try honestly to see things from the other persons point of view.” Chapter 18 : How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking. (What Everybody Wants). To foster good will and soothe irritated feelings, use phrases such as “I do not blame you. for feeling as you do” and “If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.” People are products of their “environment and experiences.” Think about the other persons life and how it has been different from yours to help understand their actions or motivations. People crave sympathy; “give it to them, and they will love you.” Apologize if you offend someone, and be sympathetic to their feelings. If you are insulted or offended yourself, strive for the personal satisfaction of controlling your temper and “returning kindness for an insult.” If possible wait to respond to a message that has upset or offended you. Let your temper cool, and think through your response carefully. Show people the benefits of doing as you suggest, from their perspective. How does the action benefit them? Principle: “Be sympathetic with the other persons ideas and desires.” Chapter 19 : How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking.
(An Appeal That Everybody Likes). Most people “have a high regard for themselves” and consider themselves unselfish. People often have “two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one. ” No matter the real reason, if you give a person a motive that sounds goodóthat makes them look good or nobleóthey will be more likely to act as you suggest or desire. If you are not happy with “the results you are getting” from people, you have nothing to lose by trying a new strategy. “Why not experiment” by challenging people to live up to their best selves? Assume people are “sincere, honest, truthful and willing and anxious” to pay their debts and fulfill their obligations. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and approach them assuming they are “honest, upright and fair.” Principle: “Appeal to the nobler motives.” Chapter 20 : How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking.
(The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Do not You Do It?) . Present information in a dramatic or unique way to capture your audiences attention: “The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship.” Analyze television ads, and you will find they “dramatize … the advantages offered by whatever is being sold.” This technique successfully gets people to buy. Principle: “Dramatize your ideas.” Chapter 21 : How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking. (When Nothing Else Works, Try This). Setting up a competition can stimulate productivity and motivate people to achieve. For some people the challenge of a difficult task is an enticementóthey want to prove they can overcome obstacles. People are not motivated to work because of money, benefits, or “good working conditions.” It is “the work itself” that motivates. If it is “exciting and interesting,” people will work hard and try to do a good job: “That is what every successful person loves: the game.” Part of this motivation comes from “the desire to excel” and “the desire for a feeling of importance.” People want to show their talents.
Principle: “Throw down a challenge.” Chapter 22 : Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. (If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin). Before finding fault with a person, begin with a sincere compliment to soften the sting of the criticism. Point out what the person has done well or correctly before discussing what needs improvement or is unacceptable. Offer genuine praise to show you have confidence in the other personóit can boost self-confidence and help the person do a better job. Principle: “Begin with praise and honest appreciation.” Chapter 23 : Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment.
(How to Criticizeóand Not Be Hated for It). Although people may begin with praise before they criticize someone, they soon follow with a “but” statement. The word but is an immediate giveaway that something negative is about to be said and can put people on the defensive. Use “and” statements instead, rephrasing the criticism from a negative statement of the persons failings to a positive statement of the things that may possibly be achieved. The negative criticism is still there, but it is presented indirectly, thus sparing feelings and making the person more likely to try to meet the positive expectation. Indirect, or implied, criticism can be particularly effective with “sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.” If you are critical of someone and want that person to change, state your case in an indirect way, and leave the choice up to the person. They may be more inclined to do as you wish than if you tried to apply more direct pressure. Lead by exampleóshow you are willing to do the same thing you are asking someone else to do. Principle: “Call attention to peoples mistakes indirectly.” Chapter 24 : Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment.
(Talk About Your Own Mistakes First). Remember your own shortcomings and mistakes before criticizing another person. Make allowances for the persons age and experience level; you ca not expect beginners to perform at the same level as experts. When you must criticize someone, admitting your own mistakes humbly can help the person feel more comfortable and less judged. It shows you are human, too, and make mistakes like anyone else. Offer honest praise as well: “Humility and praise … rightfully used. will work veritable miracles in human relations.” Principle: “Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.” Chapter 25 : Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. (No One Likes to Take Orders).
Rather than telling people what to do, let them figure it out their own way. Doing this provides “a feeling of importance” and helps people learn from their own errors. It also keeps their pride intact, as nobody likes to be bossed around. Use phrases such as “You might consider this” and “Do you think that would work?” to offer your opinion less directly. Giving orders causes resentment. “Asking questions … makes an order more palatable” and can spark the persons creativity. When asked for their opinion and their cooperation on a task, people are more likely to rise to the occasion and participate willingly. Principle: “Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.” Chapter 26 : Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. (Let the Other Person Save Face). Rather than trample “the feelings of others, getting our own way,” think about how the other person feels and whether your words might hurt the persons pride.
Instead “a few minutes thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other persons attitude” can make the situation easier for both. Use “tact and consideration” during difficult conversations such as those when “discharging or reprimanding an employee.” By being tactful you can spare anothers feelings and help ensure good will for the future. Do not put people on the spot, particularly in front of others. There is no good reason to hurt a persons dignity. When someone makes a mistake, remember and praise the good work they’ve done. Be understanding and show you have faith in the person to do the job well. Principle: “Let the other person save face.” Chapter 27 : Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. (How to Spur People On to Success). Praising improvement “inspires the other person to keep on improving,” so use praise instead of condemnation to motivate. People are often quick to criticize yet reluctant to praise. Praise can encourage perseverance and thus change the course of a persons life. Psychologist B.F. Skinner showed, by offering praise and minimizing criticism, that “the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy.” For example, yelling at children will often cause worse behavior rather than improvement, whereas reinforcing good behavior will encourage more of the same.
In giving praise, cite a “specific accomplishment, rather than just making general flattering remarks.” The praise will be more meaningful this way and wo not come across simply as flattery. You can “literally transform” people with praise. Showing your belief in someone or your acknowledgment of someones good qualities can spark the person to change: “Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.” Principle: “Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.'” Chapter 28 : Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment.
(Give a Dog a Good Name). It is easier to lead people and change their attitude or behavior when you earn their respect and show you respect them and their abilities. If you want someone to show more of a certain trait (such as promptness or attention to detail), “act as though that particular trait were already” shown. Doing this gives people a reputation they will strive to live up to. Reinforce good behavior and accomplishments with regular praise. Showing you believe in people can help them believe in themselves.
Even the smallest word of encouragement can change a persons life. “Principle: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.” Chapter 29 : Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. (Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct). If you emphasize a persons mistakes, even if you are being truthful and accurate, the person may become discouraged and give up. On the other hand, if you praise the things a person does correctly, while downplaying any errors, the person will be encouraged to keep going.
Encouragement offers hope and makes the person “want to improve.” To encourage people to try a new task or venture, make it seem easy. You may even suggest they have a natural ability or “undeveloped flair” for the work. Your faith in their ability is another strong incentive for people to try new things or correct their faults. To motivate people, help them see the personal benefits they will gain by improving a skill or correcting a fault. Principle: “Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.” Chapter 30 : Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. (Making People Glad to Do What You Want).
Make people feel important when asking them to do something for you. You might, for example, suggest that they are doing you a favor or honoring you by acceding to your wishes. Be tactful in your words and actions, even with your opponents; they could make life difficult for you if you snub or insult them. Use incentives to motivate people to do as you wish. By striking bargains that benefit you and the other person, both people gain something. If you must turn down a request for your time or help, consider suggesting another person who might willingly meet the request. Consider giving a person an official-sounding title and increased responsibility for overseeing a task to motivate the person to give their best effort. People like to feel they have some authority in their work. When trying to change someones “attitudes or behaviors,” be sincere and clear in what you want.
Think about what the other person wants and play into that; be clear about the benefit that will result from doing what you suggest. Despite these suggestions, people wo not always react well to your requests. Even so, you will get better results and be a better leader by following these guidelines than not. Principle: “Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.” summary.
Techniques in Handling People. Donít criticize, condemn or complain. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Arouse in the other person an eager want. Six ways to make people like you Become genuinely interested in other people. Smile. Remember that a persons name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Talk in terms of the other persons interests.
Make the other person feel important ñ and do it sincerely. Win people to your way of thinking. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Show respect for the other persons opinions. Never say, ìYou are wrong.î If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Begin in a friendly way. Get the other person saying ìyes, yesî immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. Try honestly to see things from the other persons point of view. Be sympathetic with the other persons ideas and desires. Appeal to the nobler motives. Dramatize your ideas. Throw down a challenge. Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to peoples mistakes indirectly. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Let the other person save face. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ìhearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.î Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. On criticism. Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a persons precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. Ö. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complainóand most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
That reminds me of this famous quote by Thomas Carlyle: ìA great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.î On dealing with people. When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity. On influence. The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. On the secret of success. If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other persons point of view and see things from that persons angle as well as from your own.
Thats it for today guys, Hopw you enjoyed it. meet you in another video with another book. Until then keep growing, keep improving..