Hello, hello, it’s Tonya Dalton owner of inkwell, press and today I want to talk to you about how to win friends and influence people Which is a book that was written way back in the 1930s But it’s considered one of the best business books ever written even today It’s consistently considered one of the top 50 business books of all time And I love how deal Carnegie talks about connection So I want to share with you how to win friends and influence people Dale Carnegie’s six essential tips for connection Now Dale Carnegie’s book as I mentioned it’s considered one of the best business books, but even though it’s considered business I really think the ideas he shares in here are applicable for regular everyday life as a matter of fact I have my 15 year old son reading it because I really feel like it can help him with connecting with friends at school Now the book is divided into four parts.
There’s the fundamental techniques of handling people six ways to make people like you how to win people over to your way of thinking and then being a leader how to change people without giving offense What I really want to do though today is I want to talk about the six ways to really make people like you So I want to share those six tips with you really quickly Tip number one is to be truly interested in people Dale says you can make more friends in two months by being genuinely Interested in other people than you can make in two years by trying to make them interested in you I think that’s true because people like to be remembered people love it When you are really genuinely interested in them So when people ask us about our families or what’s going on in our current lives? it really makes us feel special and so think about how that feels for other people when you do that for them it really Connects them to you and it makes them feel drawn to you So I want to encourage you to make sure that you’re truly interested in other people so you can practice this by greeting people with genuine happiness Your hello should reflect the way that you feel when you see them so when you see them a great smile and a genuine hello can go really far in making those connections and Along with that is tip number two smile and make a good first impression Everybody loves to see a smile on your face Here’s the thing smiles are contagious When shawn Achor happiness expert speaks to groups.
He does a little quick experiment where he has two people partnered up together One person looks the other person deep in the eye and smiles at them genuinely The other person their job is to just sit there and 9 times out of 10 They end up smiling – because smiles truly are contagious Now what’s interesting is that when Shawn has done this experiment? Even in places like the Middle East where the women’s faces are partially obscured They still smile because even though you can’t see their mouths smiling you can sense it You can see it in their eyes. You can hear it in their voice and even see it in their demeanor This is why a lot of customer service agents smile when they’re talking on the phone Especially to difficult customers even when you’re typing your smile can come through and feel contagious So these are one of the things that really helps you feel warm and draws people to you So to practice this tip You could try consciously paying attention when you’re walking around to make sure you’re looking people in the eye And giving them just a quick smile Tip number three is remembering a person’s name is the key to their heart Everybody likes the sound of their own name As a matter of fact Carnegie says a person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound in their own language I think that’s true.
We all like the sound of our net own name We like it when people greet us and remember our name that makes us feel important, but it does take effort to try to remember faces with names and if you struggle with this you really need to try to Consciously put the names with the faces so a couple of ways you can do this is Practice saying their name several times when you’re having the conversation with them the first time Just repeat their name as long as it doesn’t seem awkward a couple of times throughout your conversation Or if they have an unusual name You can ask them to spell it for you and then write it down All of those things will help you remember their name next time you see them? The fourth tip is to be a good listener.
Now a lot of us think we’re really good listeners Here’s what I want you to ask yourself when you are having a conversation with someone Are you busy listening or are you busy thinking about what you want to say next? a Lot of us do that We tend to think about during a conversation what we want to interject with or what – since we want to add to the Congress because we like feeling important too but being a good listener means you actually Actively take time to listen People are a hundred times more interested in themselves than they are in other people So when you actively listen to them and you create conversation that shows that you’re listening You can really build off of that and build deeper connections So to practice this I would say aim for that 8020 rule in other words I want you to practice spending 80 percent of your time listening and 20 percent of your time talking and really start to pay attention to how often in conversations You’re thinking about what you want to say next Tip number five is to think about their interests.
Not your own. We know people like to talk about themselves So allow them to do that now I know this can be hard because we have things that were interested in right and we want to talk about our things But really thinking about that last tip and actively listening and paying attention to what they want to talk about Really can’t make a difference People find that when they’re talking about the things that they love they think that you are an excellent conversationalist now Theodore Roosevelt was one of our most beloved former presidents and the reason why was because He was so good at connecting with people on a deeper level What people didn’t realize is anytime he knew that a guest was coming. He would spend the night before Studying up on their interests, whether that be bird-watching or hunting or trains or whatever it was He would take some time to really research and look into their interests and then he would create conversations around those things So it’s not a hard thing for us to do just spend a few minutes when you’re listening to conversation with somebody Take a moment to really internalize what they seem to be really interested in what lights their eyes up What do they get excited when they’re speaking about that make yourself a little note and next time, you know? You’re going to be meeting with them take five minutes to do a touch of research and it really can’t make a difference in helping them feel a little more connected to you and The sixth thing you can do is make them feel important and do it since Yuli Think about this, how can you brighten someone else’s day? How do you feel when you get a compliment from someone? It really can make the difference between having a bad day or a rough day and really having a good one It can turn someone’s day completely around and we should be happy to make someone else’s day when you think about it when you make someone else’s day, doesn’t it make your day a little bit better – and Even if there isn’t something in return for you just the act of doing something for our fellow man really can make a difference But here’s the catch it needs to be genuine You can’t just blow smoke and give somebody over stroking of their ego with a bunch of compliments It needs to be things that you truly admire in them or things that you really like I find that one of the things that I do is when I get really good service at a store or a restaurant I’ll ask them for their email address of their boss and I’ll tell them I Want to email your boss and tell them what an amazing employee you are Every time I do that that person’s face lights up, and I know it’s brighten their day It doesn’t do anything for me personally other than the fact that it makes me feel good So what I encourage you to go out today and compliment three people with genuine compliments now These are Dale Carnegie’s six tips on how to deepen your connections and really get people to like you and I want to know Which one of these practices do you think you will try today? None of them are terribly difficult? So I want you to really try one of them.
So comment below and tell me which one you would like to do Now before we sign off, I want to point something out to you Did you notice that the words sincere and genuine showed up again and again in these ideas? that’s because that’s the key you need to be real and Honest be truly interested in other people and then people will become interested in you So I really want to encourage you to try one of these today Now I’ll have a new video for you next Tuesday So make sure you hit that subscribe button.
And if you enjoyed this video go ahead and hit that like button I do have a podcast episode Podcast episode 86 which is all about creating connections the importance of connecting with others So if you want to go a little deeper into this idea of how to build these connections I would encourage you to give that a listen. I also have a couple of blog posts So I’ll be sure to link to those below Alright until next time have a beautiful and productively You