Tag

comedy

Browsing

https://www.youtube.com/embed/yf3VayvAF_E – I signed up when my bender was over. Fact, that’s my screen name, bend her over. (laughs) (audience laughs) I signed up when my bender was over. (laughs) (everyone laughs) I signed up when my bender (laughing) was over. (audience laughs) – From your line, any time– – From mine? Oh. – Yes. – I signed up when my (laughing). (audience laughs) I signed up when my (laughing). God no, please forgive me, please. – So I’m guessing this is why we’re throwing the party? – I don’t know. (audience laughs) Oh, I’ll be breathtaking, watch this. (audience laughs) We’re doing it the old fashioned way, (laughs) where the man is on, no.(audience laughing and cheering) (Elka laughs) – [Director] And action. – I left my girdle at Pierre’s (laughs). (audience laughs) What is it? (actors drowned out by audience laughing) I left my girdle at Phil, uh,…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/tTB6mVBrG6I NOW, HUGE NEWS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. NEXT WEEK IS BETTY WHITE’S 94th BIRTHDAY. (APPLAUSE) >> I’M SORRY YOU HAD TO SAY THE NUMBER. I WAS GOING TO SAY IT’S MY 58th. >> James: WELL, THE TRUTH, IS I COULD HAVE GOT AWAY WITH THAT AND PEOPLE WOULD HAVE BELIEVED IT! THAT’S THE TRUTH! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THEY ABSOLUTELY WOULD! HOW ARE YOU GOING TO CELEBRATE THIS? VEGAS? >> NO, NO. I’M GOING TO CELEBRATE WITH ROBERT REDFORD. >> James: WHOO! HE DOESN’T KNOW THAT. >> James: HE DOESN’T KNOW THAT… >> I THINK HE’S OUT OF THE COUNTRY. BUT I’M GOING TO CELEBRATE IT WITH HIM. >> James: WE THOUGHT WE WOULD PLAY A GAME CALLED “DID IT EXIST.” I’M GOING TO TALK ABOUT THINGS FROM HISTORY AND YOU HAVE TO GUESS IF THEY EXISTED WHEN BETTY WAS BORN. OKAY? ALL RIGHT, SO THAT’S WHAT WE’RE GOING TO DO.FIRST…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/nBpxVdpMBZk OK, I have turned on the potato search machine Then wait to find a delicious, juicy… *Ding* *hit* Caught it! you You cook You cook so bad Your cooking is so bad Your cooking is so bad, really Your cooking is really bad If you are not good at beating the ground, You can also go to the store and buy them directly. Then you can leave some time for the potato Let them do the final farewell… [Sad piano music QAQ] But the potato does not have the ability to speak, So don’t fish in troubled waters. Now that you have potatoes, Time to make a decision In what form are you going to bake them. Microwave oven is one option. If someone uses Microwave oven and belittle you Just say, “If you know how to use a microwave oven, you come—” [Microwave oven: beep, beep, beep] Rookie…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/gmr41ht2Sq4 [laughing] Shut up! We’re not saying anything. – What? – Uh, Joey cried last night. Thank you. We were playing poker, right… There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright? Oh, you should have seen him.. “Read ’em and weep.” And then he did. Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us? Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like, it’s poker, so only guys can play. No. Women are welcome to play. Oh, okay. So then what is it? Some kind of, you know.. …like, some kind of, you know, like.. Alright, what is it? There just don’t happen to be any women in our game. Yeah, we just don’t happen to know any women that know how to play poker. – Oh. – Oh please, that is such a…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/wVNbd7mC4Jg – Can four normal ding-dongs beat one poker pro? We’re gonna find out. – I will call anything you bet. Ned, Ned! – I’m all in. – Oh my god! She was just lying to us! – [Zach] We’re going all in! (all yelling) – As long as our expert isn’t Asian then I’m fine. (dramatic music) Damn it, okay, I have another strategy. Can four regular guys beat a master at their own craft? – [Keith] All it takes is for one of us to win.- [Ned] Oh, wow. – [Eugene] This is TryGuys Four VS One. – I’m Maria Ho. I am currently ranked second in the world among female poker players. I’ve earned over four million dollars in live poker tournaments, and last year I was inducted into The Women of Poker Hall of Fame. – Wow, oh my god. – Oh my goodness. – I…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/yXreRh98M4A Im contemplating suicide Loud shitty EDM Music Plays wow. This is truly uh. This is something else theres a lot of people out here, Black Man. How many genders are there? Bearded man, man, o man, o shevitz, uh *muffled*, one *muffled*, two Female As many as want to be defined. You CANT FILM HERE IM TRIGGERED black man. Excuse me, sir White male, Yes, black. Would you like to answer a question for an interview? Cuck, No thats? Ok, Black Man, HOW many genders are there Female? There are < Two > many for me to count right now. I think um. I dont think it really matters like how how many genders are ther “ like five” incorrect, wheh feminist. I dont really think therz a number xD: ok xDDD, a million “. I dont know a lot” Thats deplorable. How many genders are there uhhhhh Physically?…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/nnRRpWfrC7c > > James, YOUR BEST BEAUTY HACK, INVOLVES A TEASPOON > >. I HAVE MANY TIPS. I’Ve BEEN IN THE INDUSTRY LONG ENOUGH WITH A TEASPOON. You CAN CURL YOUR EYE LASHES, > > James, WITH A TEASPOON > >, AS ONE DOES –. You WANT ME TO DO IT FOR YOU PERFECT, LIKE –, YES, >, >, James, I’VE GOT A KNIFE FORK TEASPOON, JUST IN CASE I I NEED A SNACK Will YOU DEMONSTRATE ON YOU? What DO YOU DO? I NEED IT. I ALREADY HAVE INCREDIBLE LASHES, > >, YOU ARE FLAWLESS ANYONE OUT THERE. This IS A VERY, VERY SERIOUS PROCESS, KIND OF LOOK AT MY SHOULDER AND YOU KIND OF WANT TO GET YOU RIGHT AT THE LASH LINE AND JUST PINCH IT JUST ENOUGH. So YOU ARE GIVING THAT FLAWLESS. Doe-Eyed LOOK! Like THAT > > GORGEOUS GORGEOUS > > YEAH, IT WORKS…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/eWPKrGJ7ksI >> APPARENTLY WHEN THIS OUTBREAK OF COVID 19, PLACE. >> ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THE IMPENDING TOILET PAPER SHORTAGE? WHY BE AFRAID WHEN YOU CAN BE BIDETTED? THAT’S RIGHT. THERE’S NEVER BEEN A BETTER TIME TO HOSE DOWN WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE, SO ORDER FROM TED BIDET’S BUDGET BIDETS TODAY. THE SQUIRT GUN, THE BROKEN HYDRANT, THE MOBY DICK, THE BELARGEIO FOUNTAIN, THE LAWN SPRINKLER, AND WITH OUR OPTIONAL HOT WATER ATTACHMENT, OLD FAITHFUL. YOU’LL HAVE A BUTT CLEAN ENOUGH TO EAT OFF OF. SO DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE T.P. SHORTAGE, COME TO TED BIDET’S BUDGET BIDETS’ AND GET THE WATER UP YOUR SQUATTER. SQUATTER. >> STEPHEN WELCOMES JOHN OLIVER, AND MUSICAL GUEST, ALEX EBERT. WITH JON BATISTE AND STAY HOMIN. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM A SAFE DISTANCE, IT’S STEPHEN CLBERT! >> Stephen: FIRE! HELLO. WELCOME TO DAY TWO OF MY SPECIAL QUARANTINE EDITION OF “THE…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/ymAl6bU33BY I will be reading from Vanna Speaks by Vanna White. I think of my job as that of a cheerleader. Of course, as you know, my main job is turning the letters. Merv says that he hired me because I turned the letters better than any of the 200 other women who auditioned. And what’s my secret? As I told “60 Minutes,” it must be in the wrist. When we’re all in position, the overhead TV monitor in the studio shows the spinning wheel as a pre-recorded crowd chants “Wheel of Fortune.” Now, all during this segment I’m racing about the stage to take my place beside the next prize that I must show off.Now once the top prizes have all been shown, I disappear behind a curtain as Jack introduces Pat Sajak. Then comes my introduction for which I will forever be grateful. As Pat says, the two…