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https://www.youtube.com/embed/eWPKrGJ7ksI >> APPARENTLY WHEN THIS OUTBREAK OF COVID 19, PLACE. >> ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THE IMPENDING TOILET PAPER SHORTAGE? WHY BE AFRAID WHEN YOU CAN BE BIDETTED? THAT’S RIGHT. THERE’S NEVER BEEN A BETTER TIME TO HOSE DOWN WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE, SO ORDER FROM TED BIDET’S BUDGET BIDETS TODAY. THE SQUIRT GUN, THE BROKEN HYDRANT, THE MOBY DICK, THE BELARGEIO FOUNTAIN, THE LAWN SPRINKLER, AND WITH OUR OPTIONAL HOT WATER ATTACHMENT, OLD FAITHFUL. YOU’LL HAVE A BUTT CLEAN ENOUGH TO EAT OFF OF. SO DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE T.P. SHORTAGE, COME TO TED BIDET’S BUDGET BIDETS’ AND GET THE WATER UP YOUR SQUATTER. SQUATTER. >> STEPHEN WELCOMES JOHN OLIVER, AND MUSICAL GUEST, ALEX EBERT. WITH JON BATISTE AND STAY HOMIN. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM A SAFE DISTANCE, IT’S STEPHEN CLBERT! >> Stephen: FIRE! HELLO. WELCOME TO DAY TWO OF MY SPECIAL QUARANTINE EDITION OF “THE…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/DgfumenJbXE >> James: WELCOME BACK. WE’RE HERE WITH HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI AND WE ASKED HER TO SHARE SOMETHING FROM HER HOME FOR A LITTLE “LATE, LATE SHOW” AND TELL. SPEAKER PELLOLOGIEE, WHAT HAVE YOU FOUND, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SHARE WITH US FROM YOUR HOME. >> CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE. >> James: REALLY. >> CHOCOLATE CANDY. >> James: OH WOW. >> AND THIS IS SOMETHING YOU CAN GET THROUGH THE MAIL. >> James: OKAY. >> FROM. >> James: THERE IS THE EPISODE OF CHRIS I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED, WOW. >> OTHER PEOPLE IN OUR FAMILY LIKE OTHER FLAVORS BUT CHOCOLATE. AND WE HAVE SOME OTHER CHOCOLATE HERE. >> James: I HAVE ALWAYS FELT A CONNECTION WITH YOU, AND NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY. SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN ISOLATING IN YOUR HOUSE, HOW MUCH OF YOUR REGULAR DPIET DO YOU THINK IS ICE CREAM AND CANDY? >> WELL, AS MUCH AS…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/wWQIUK6EtSA >> James: WELCOME BACK. OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, THE MIGHTY FIGURE HERSELF NANCY PELOSI IS WITH US. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US ON THE SHOW, SPEAKER PELOSI, REALLY APPRECIATE IT. >> THANK YOU, IT’S MY PLEASURE TO BE HERE. I WISH IT WERE UNDER DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES. >> James: WELL, SO DO I. I WAS THINKING BACK TO THE LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER, WE WERE IN AN ENGLISH PUB EATING AND THAT FEELS SO MUCH MORE CIVILIZED THAN THIS.BUT WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW IN THE WORLD AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY HOW ARE YOU COPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS? >> WELL, I CAME FROM WASHINGTON ABOUT TEN DAYS AGO TO CALIFORNIA. AND AGAIN I WISH THAT WE KNEW WHEN I COULD GO BACK. BUT WE’RE COPING PRETTY WELL. I HAVE MY GRANDCHILDREN FROM NEW…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/UfxuZ87-S8Q LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE’RE HERE WITH SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI. THERE WAS A BIG VOTE TODAY IN CONGRESS FORMALIZING THE PROCEDURES FOR IMPEACHMENT. WHEN DO PUBLIC HEARINGS START? >> THEY WILL BE — SOON. >> Stephen: COULD YOU BE VAGUER? ( LAUGHTER ) COULD I ASK YOU A FAVOR, PLEASE? AS SOMEONE WHO HAS TO TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF EVERY NIGHT, COULD YOU PLEASE NOT HAVE THEM AT NIGHT? BECAUSE THEN I HAVE TO DO A LIVE SHOW EVERY NIGHT AFTER THE HEARINGS. COULD YOU HAVE THEM AT 9:00 IN THE MORNING AND HAVE ALL THE FOOTAGE COME IN BY, SAY, 2:00 S WE CAN DUE TO IT FOR OUR SHOW? >> THAT MIGHT BE A CONSIDERATION. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: PLEASE.BUT RECOGNIZING THE SERIOUSNESS OF IT, THERE’S PROBABLY NO MORE SERIOUS VOTE THAT MEMBERS COULD TAKE. NOBODY COMES TO CONGRESS TO IMPEACH A PRESIDENT. OUR PURPOSE IS TO…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/8IHHomjGf5k Ah feels so good to unwind and give myself some TLC TLC later Bella. Kids 100 layers time. Amy, keep cool Bella, keep cool, I’m gon na get you back eeny you ruined my knee time. So long peace and quiet Oh face is so heavy. We can’t see anything, that’s it they’re coming off gross! Oh look at my skin. It’S glowing that was worth it. I’M not sure what to wear right! No Amy! Please help me yeah sure that one’s fine you asked for it 100 layers of clothes. There you go Bella now, you don’t even need a decides. You can wear everything at once. So heavy, oh, my god. This is so annoying and should’ve just picked that one too it’s getting so hot in here and so stuffy. Oh okay, come on! Let’S do this! One more God knows how many more to…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/p8XP7A7kvzM ALLDEMOHT. LET'S TAKE A LOOKDEMOTHE FOOD THAT WEDEMOE. THESE ARE THEDEMOICACIES LATE DEMOFOR US. WE HAVE COWDEMOGUE. >> AND IT'S LIDEMOOLDY. >> James: WE'VE GDEMOIRD SDEMOA. WE HAVE SDEMOB BEETLE. HERRDEMOROLLMOP. >> I DON'T EVEN KNDEMOHAT THAT DEM >>DEMOes: A SCORPION. A BUDEMONIS. A SARDEMO SMOOTHIE. AND ADEMOUSAND YEAR OLD EGG. DEMO. SO DEMO YOU WILL BE GOING FIRST. I AM GOING TO GIVE YODEMOI'M GOINDEMO GIVE YOU THE BIRD SALIVA,DEMOY. WHICDEMOM STILL NOT ENTIRELY SUDEMOOW THEY GET IT. DEMOGHTER) DEMO. >DEMOS. >> James: HEARDEMOYOUR QUDEMOON. >> DEMO. >> JamesDEMOM, YOU HAVE A VERY DEMOIONABLE FAMILY. >> YES KNS KENDADEMOKYLIE, COURTDEMO CLOAIE, KRIS. RANK THEM FROM BEDEMORESSED TO WORSTDEMOSSED. >> OKAY, BEST DRESSEDEMOWOULD SADEMONDALL. >> JamDEMOYEAH. GDEMOTH THAT. >> SECONDDEMOOULD GO FOR KRIS JEDEMO. >> JaDEMO YES. >> THIRD KDEMONEY. >> JDEMO: OKAY. >> NO, NO,DEMO YEAH, KOURTNEY.FOURTH, KYLIEDEMOO, OKAY, FOURTH– DEMOONE BEFORE CAN BE KYLIE THDEMOOURTNEY. AND THEN…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/tvmX4a4UiyM WELCOME! WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) THANK YOU. I’M GLAD YOU’RE ALL IN A GOOD MOOD BECAUSE I, FOR ONE, AM NOT PANICKING. ( LAUGHTER ) I HAVE THESE BURNED. THEN BURN THE PERSON WHO BURNED THEM. ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE PANICKING. NAMELY, WALL STREET. IN THE FIRST THREE DAYS OF THIS WEEK, THE DOW LOST 2,000 POINTS, BUT LAST NIGHT, DONALD TRUMP HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE TO REASSURE INVESTORS, AND TODAY IT BOUNCED BACK– BY PLUNGING ALMOST 1,200 POINTS, THE LARGEST SINGLE DAY DROP IN HISTORY. THAT MUST BE SO HARD FOR THE GUYS ON WALL STREET. IF ONLY THEY HAD ACCESS TO SOME SORT OF DRUG THAT WOULD MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER. ( LAUGHTER ) AND THEN MAKE THEM THINK THEY COULD START A BAND! ( LAUGHTER ) SEE THERE’S…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/7zjLor4QAcY WELCOME, MY FRIENDS, TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TONIGHT– YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE EXCITED BECAUSE TONIGHT IS THE NICE! IT’S SUPER TUESDAY, THE BIGGEST HAUL– THE BIGGEST HAUL OF THE PRIMARY SEASON WHERE TONIGHT THE LION’S SHARE OF THE DELEGATES WERE AWARDED TO… SOMEONE I ASSUME. BECAUSE AS WE TAPE THIS, THE RESULTS AREN’T IN YET. BUT IT’S GOING TO TAKE MORE THAN COMPLETE IGNORANCE TO STOP ME FROM TALKING ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT’S EDITION OF: >> I HAVE A PLAN FOR THAT.>> I BEAT TRUMP! >> MADE A LOT OF MONEY. >> I’M GOING TO BEAT THIS MAN LIKE A DRUM. >> BING, BING, BONG, BONG. >> “FURY ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE 2020: SUPER TUESDAY SENIOR CITIZEN SELECTMAN DOWN. IT ALL DEPENDS ON TONIGHT TO ENSURE VICTORY 2020. >> I DROPPED OUT! >> Stephen: WE…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/z39RgxoiXPE let’s talk about the coronavirus according to WebMD you already have it now every day we learn more about how this virus is affecting the world so let’s check in on the latest coronavirus news in our ongoing segment is this how we die [Applause] last week we learned that coronavirus has been making its way through Europe like a trust fund kid on a gap year and after throwing Italy into chaos the next stop on the trip is Patti big changes in France today the number of cases there has nearly doubled to 100 the government they are really taking some pretty extreme measures the French government banned indoor public gatherings of more than 5,000 people that led to the Louvre museum shutting down the Health Minister advising people not to kiss or shake hands when meeting as president macron did days ago with Italy’s leader oh…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/hfksbuyrqkQ WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW. I’M STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ANOTHER CANDIDATE HAS DROPPED OUT OF THE DEMOCRATIC RACE. AND WE’RE GETTING A CLEARER PICTURE OF AMERICA’S FUTURE AND IT LOOKS A LOT LIKE AMERICA’S PAST. ( LAUGHTER ) I’LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT’S EDITION OF ♪ >> I HAVE A PLAN FOR THAT. BEAT TRUMP. CORN POP WAS A BAD DUDE! AAAHHH! BING, BING, BONG, BONG.>> FURY ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE 2020! >> COME ON! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) >> Stephen: FOLKS, I’M AFRAID I HAVE SAD NEWS FOR FANS OF COMPETENCE, BECAUSE FRIEND OF THE SHOW, ELIZABETH WARREN HAS DROPPED OUT OF THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE. ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) THE ONE-TIME FRONTRUNNER, WARREN MADE THE CLASSIC CAMPAIGN MISTAKE OF BEING ABLE TO FINISH A COHERENT SENTENCE AND NOT HAVING A PENIS. ( LAUGHTER ) WARREN IS…