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https://www.youtube.com/embed/eWPKrGJ7ksI >> APPARENTLY WHEN THIS OUTBREAK OF COVID 19, PLACE. >> ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THE IMPENDING TOILET PAPER SHORTAGE? WHY BE AFRAID WHEN YOU CAN BE BIDETTED? THAT’S RIGHT. THERE’S NEVER BEEN A BETTER TIME TO HOSE DOWN WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE, SO ORDER FROM TED BIDET’S BUDGET BIDETS TODAY. THE SQUIRT GUN, THE BROKEN HYDRANT, THE MOBY DICK, THE BELARGEIO FOUNTAIN, THE LAWN SPRINKLER, AND WITH OUR OPTIONAL HOT WATER ATTACHMENT, OLD FAITHFUL. YOU’LL HAVE A BUTT CLEAN ENOUGH TO EAT OFF OF. SO DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE T.P. SHORTAGE, COME TO TED BIDET’S BUDGET BIDETS’ AND GET THE WATER UP YOUR SQUATTER. SQUATTER. >> STEPHEN WELCOMES JOHN OLIVER, AND MUSICAL GUEST, ALEX EBERT. WITH JON BATISTE AND STAY HOMIN. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM A SAFE DISTANCE, IT’S STEPHEN CLBERT! >> Stephen: FIRE! HELLO. WELCOME TO DAY TWO OF MY SPECIAL QUARANTINE EDITION OF “THE…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/ymAl6bU33BY I will be reading from Vanna Speaks by Vanna White. I think of my job as that of a cheerleader. Of course, as you know, my main job is turning the letters. Merv says that he hired me because I turned the letters better than any of the 200 other women who auditioned. And what’s my secret? As I told “60 Minutes,” it must be in the wrist. When we’re all in position, the overhead TV monitor in the studio shows the spinning wheel as a pre-recorded crowd chants “Wheel of Fortune.” Now, all during this segment I’m racing about the stage to take my place beside the next prize that I must show off.Now once the top prizes have all been shown, I disappear behind a curtain as Jack introduces Pat Sajak. Then comes my introduction for which I will forever be grateful. As Pat says, the two…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/CbjFK8QDhVM I think this video is so good And if it were up to me you would watch it in its entirety the whole way through, but I realize it’s kind of long So if you have a short attention span, I’m gonna be dividing it into chapters, both right here and in the description with time signatures so you can skip to the parts you’re most interested in if that’s your thing, if that’s what you would like to do. So chapter 1 is: What is asexuality? Chapter 2 is: What is sexless physical intimacy? Chapter 3: What is sexless kink? Chapter 4: Why might an asexual person have sex, what might that look like? And Chapter 5, my favorite chapter. We actually get to see cute adorable ace faces and ace couples and listen to them talk about how they’re close and affectionate and intimate with their partners.…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/yIr5dYJ_z-o (Orange screaming) – The toilet is clogged! Run! – Orange, calm down. A clogged toilet isn’t that big of a deal. – But-but- – Seriously, we can handle it. – But-but-but- – Orange, relax. You’re in luck ’cause today I’m showing everyone How 2 Unclog A Toilet! – Well, okay then. Whatever you say, Pear. I’m ready to take the plunge.(Orange laughs) – Grr, gimme that! – Aww, come one, can you blame me? Finally, it’s a chance for some toilet humor around here. (Orange laughs) – Argh. Step one is to try and prevent the clog in the first place. That means be careful with what you flush down there, toys, trash- – Sticks of TNT. – Uh, weirdly specific, but yes. Great example of something not to flush down a toilet. – That’s like I always say, “if you flush TNT down the the toilet, urine trouble.”…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/BQzcORygWNA – Attention fruit lovers. This is your pilot speaking. We’re in for a bumpy ride ’cause I don’t know how to fly this thing! (evil laughter) – All right, give me that. – Aw. I didn’t even get to do my bang impression (laughter) – Hey everyone! Pear and Orange here with another episode of How2. – We’re really winging it today ’cause this episode is both aeronautical and aero-radical! (laughter) – That’s right ’cause today we’re gonna show you how to make a paper airplane.- Whoa boy! Buckle your seat belts and pull up the straps for me bubs ’cause this ain’t gonna be easy! – It isn’t? – Step one for designing an airplane. Get out your calculator ’cause it’s gonna take a lot of math. – Hmm carry the one, lift force minus the square root of g. Air velocity times wind resistance gives us. -…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/eVu_ec5q6ns -Let’s get to the news. President Trump sent a letter to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi today and said the impeachment inquiry is full of shameless lies and deception, which is true. It’s called evidence. [ Laughter ] In President Trump’s letter, he accused Nancy Pelosi of declaring open war on American democracy and said, “You do not know, nor do you care the great damage and hurt you have inflicted upon wonderful and loving members of my family.” This letter is bonkers! I don’t even know how to describe the tone of it. I guess if you took the most privileged white lady ever and gave her a whole bottle of wine and then asked her to write a Yelp review of a restaurant that made her wait 40 minutes for a table and then got her order wrong twice. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] President…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/DgfumenJbXE >> James: WELCOME BACK. WE’RE HERE WITH HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI AND WE ASKED HER TO SHARE SOMETHING FROM HER HOME FOR A LITTLE “LATE, LATE SHOW” AND TELL. SPEAKER PELLOLOGIEE, WHAT HAVE YOU FOUND, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SHARE WITH US FROM YOUR HOME. >> CHOCOLATE, CHOCOLATE. >> James: REALLY. >> CHOCOLATE CANDY. >> James: OH WOW. >> AND THIS IS SOMETHING YOU CAN GET THROUGH THE MAIL. >> James: OKAY. >> FROM. >> James: THERE IS THE EPISODE OF CHRIS I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED, WOW. >> OTHER PEOPLE IN OUR FAMILY LIKE OTHER FLAVORS BUT CHOCOLATE. AND WE HAVE SOME OTHER CHOCOLATE HERE. >> James: I HAVE ALWAYS FELT A CONNECTION WITH YOU, AND NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY. SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN ISOLATING IN YOUR HOUSE, HOW MUCH OF YOUR REGULAR DPIET DO YOU THINK IS ICE CREAM AND CANDY? >> WELL, AS MUCH AS…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/wWQIUK6EtSA >> James: WELCOME BACK. OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, THE MIGHTY FIGURE HERSELF NANCY PELOSI IS WITH US. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US ON THE SHOW, SPEAKER PELOSI, REALLY APPRECIATE IT. >> THANK YOU, IT’S MY PLEASURE TO BE HERE. I WISH IT WERE UNDER DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES. >> James: WELL, SO DO I. I WAS THINKING BACK TO THE LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER, WE WERE IN AN ENGLISH PUB EATING AND THAT FEELS SO MUCH MORE CIVILIZED THAN THIS.BUT WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW IN THE WORLD AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY HOW ARE YOU COPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS? >> WELL, I CAME FROM WASHINGTON ABOUT TEN DAYS AGO TO CALIFORNIA. AND AGAIN I WISH THAT WE KNEW WHEN I COULD GO BACK. BUT WE’RE COPING PRETTY WELL. I HAVE MY GRANDCHILDREN FROM NEW…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/UfxuZ87-S8Q LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE’RE HERE WITH SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI. THERE WAS A BIG VOTE TODAY IN CONGRESS FORMALIZING THE PROCEDURES FOR IMPEACHMENT. WHEN DO PUBLIC HEARINGS START? >> THEY WILL BE — SOON. >> Stephen: COULD YOU BE VAGUER? ( LAUGHTER ) COULD I ASK YOU A FAVOR, PLEASE? AS SOMEONE WHO HAS TO TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF EVERY NIGHT, COULD YOU PLEASE NOT HAVE THEM AT NIGHT? BECAUSE THEN I HAVE TO DO A LIVE SHOW EVERY NIGHT AFTER THE HEARINGS. COULD YOU HAVE THEM AT 9:00 IN THE MORNING AND HAVE ALL THE FOOTAGE COME IN BY, SAY, 2:00 S WE CAN DUE TO IT FOR OUR SHOW? >> THAT MIGHT BE A CONSIDERATION. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: PLEASE.BUT RECOGNIZING THE SERIOUSNESS OF IT, THERE’S PROBABLY NO MORE SERIOUS VOTE THAT MEMBERS COULD TAKE. NOBODY COMES TO CONGRESS TO IMPEACH A PRESIDENT. OUR PURPOSE IS TO…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/8IHHomjGf5k Ah feels so good to unwind and give myself some TLC TLC later Bella. Kids 100 layers time. Amy, keep cool Bella, keep cool, I’m gon na get you back eeny you ruined my knee time. So long peace and quiet Oh face is so heavy. We can’t see anything, that’s it they’re coming off gross! Oh look at my skin. It’S glowing that was worth it. I’M not sure what to wear right! No Amy! Please help me yeah sure that one’s fine you asked for it 100 layers of clothes. There you go Bella now, you don’t even need a decides. You can wear everything at once. So heavy, oh, my god. This is so annoying and should’ve just picked that one too it’s getting so hot in here and so stuffy. Oh okay, come on! Let’S do this! One more God knows how many more to…